another year over, a new one just begun

Just like that, in the blink of an eye, we're in a new year. The Mayans were wrong, the Olympic doubters were wrong, and I suddenly wasn't considered an absolute freak for loving my home town so much. Just like this summer, London did me proud last night. Due to a combination of exhaustion and some seasonal sickness, I didn't make it out for any of the many, many celebrations taking place across London last night. But I did force myself awake until  midnight to see the amazing firework display from the London Eye. Even though I didn't manage to replicate the slightly frost bitten fingers of last year, my eyes fell open in sheer awe. I suppose it helps that I could hear the actual fireworks from my ridiculously comfortable bed.

2012 was really good to me. Despite some of the toughest moments of my life so far, I managed to have a good year overall. Partly because:

• I finished my novel!
• I turned 21
• Started my degree (which I may sometimes forget I'm actually doing. Ooops.)
• I danced and sang whenever I felt like it.
• I successfully completed my first term of Star Track (love my co-creators and agents and the ever wonderful Eugenie and Kazvare)
• New friends appeared into my life magically...
• ...and old friends stayed firmly put.
• Me and Valentine celebrated two successful years together (god, it feels like a lifetime)
• I discovered frozen yoghurt. Oh sweetness, I love you.

In 2013 I will...

• Muster up the confidence to show someone my awful novel.
• Start (and finish) novels two and three.
• Attempt to emulate my mum's amazing cooking.
• Go on beautiful holidays.
• Keep the Peter Pan complex.
• Take dance classes again. I've been dreaming of being back en pointe.
• Finally teach Valentine the perfect arabesque form.

2013, I'm ready.

Oh London, you are so pretty

I've tried to find the proper photo credits but have been stumped so far. As soon as I locate the name of the photographer/photo source, I will give the correct credit.

Ed's Diner

The week between Christmas and New Year's always seems to drag on a bit for me. The months of build up seem to fizzle out and, suddenly, everyone's really quite sad. Desperate to hold on to the festive feeling, I dragged Valentine to the newest eating destination in our local shopping centre, Ed's Diner.

Now, first thing's first: Ed's Diner sits on the spot that was formerly occupied by my beloved Pizza Hut. As we walked up the steps of the centre and towards the doors, I could hear the walls taunting me with a quiet echo: "You're cheating on Pizza Hut!" I admit it - I was distraught. I very nearly cried when Pizza Hut closed. I love me some pizza.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the place looks amazing. It's decked out in full Americana decor, and I'm sure we all know by now how obsessed I am with the great ol' US of A. The mini jukeboxes on the table were a delightful addition and the Elvis soundtrack filled my  heart with immeasurable joy.

They also had proper English mustard! Real, hot, spicy mustard is a must for me

Unfortunately, everything went downhill from there. The staff took ages to acknowledge us, gave us two Cokes when we had ordered two milkshakes, and spent a long time chatting to each other rather than taking anyone's orders. We settled on what we were going to have - for me, it's fairly simple. There's never much of a vegetarian choice available - and waited eagerly for our full plates of food. A burger and fries for each of us, with a side salad for me. We couldn't wait to tuck into the food that Ed's Diner prides itself on. Amazing food! they say. You'll never want to stop coming back! they inform us. Instead, we were given:

Two lonely burgers that, to be completely honest, didn't taste much better than anything on offer at McDonald's. Except this place cost more than triple what McDonald's does. I think it's safe to say we won't be going back. The hunt for London's best vegetarian/hamburger combo continues!

This is one very hungry and unhappy man!

Even Londoners get the blues

Try as I might, I can't shake these winter blues. This weather is messing with my head (below freezing yet still not snow?) and the fact that it's now pitch black at 4pm (really?!!) doesn't exactly make for magical inspiration. 

It all started with an argument in Specsavers (I so shouldn't have gone there) where the woman insisted that they had given me an appointment to go and collect my obscenely prized glasses. Twenty minutes later, she conceded defeat when I pulled out every bit of Specsavers bedazzled bit of paper that I own. So far, so awful.

It then continued when a fully grown man coughed on me on a train. Seriously, were you never taught to cover your germ infested mouth whenever you feel the urge to cough? Disgusting.

Maybe it's because I'm so desperate for Christmas to hurry up and arrive. Maybe it's because a part of me can't wait for this year to end. I have such big plans for myself in 2013 (nothing major or terribly exciting, but big for me) and can't wait to see them come to life. Maybe it's because 2012 hasn't been the greatest of years for me. All I know is this... Boyfriend needs to bring me some McDonald's tonight otherwise I might just cry.

I've met so many dreadful people over the past few weeks. So much so that it's left me contemplating walking down to the train station and heading far, far away from London. 

I'm sure this is nothing that junk food, ice cream and an amazing book can't fix!

London! You're so lucky you're so pretty

Life lately...

It's December already? How did that happen? November felt like the shortest month of my life; it just flew by without me barely acknowledging it's existence. This just won't do. Although, of course, we're getting closer and closer to Christmas (yay!) and it means that I can finally crack on with one of these...

I've promised myself that I won't finish off the entire advent calendar before the 15th, but whether or not I actually manage that remains to be seen.

You want some photos?

Here's the most exciting part of our past week...

We took a little trip to my local shopping centre over the weekend to do a spot of present buying and friend visiting when we found ourselves confronted with a Stormtrooper! Now, Star Wars is Mr Valentine's favourite film EVER and I grew up with a serious love of the the original trilogy, so we naturally squealed like incredibly excited little piglets when we noticed the (incredibly short) Stormtrooper.

Further investigation led us to finding not only Boba Fett, but Mr Anakin Skywalker himself. Yep, Darth Vader (or a very chubby man dressed up as him) was also in South London for the day. I'm not entirely sure what South London has that the Death Star doesn't (air conditioning perhaps) but it brought them to us and gave me a very, very happy Mr this weekend!

Lest We Forget

Today is not a day for politics.

Today is not a day for sniping.

Today is not a day for sarcastic comments or offensive thoughts.

Today is a day of respect.

A day to remember all that has gone before.

A day where we spend two minutes in silence - with busy department stores, London traffic, police sirens and manic phone calls all coming to a standstill - to respect, remember and think of those who fought in the trenches, sacrificed their lives and showed nothing but bravery to their last breath.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.

Halloween!

I'm not the biggest fan of Halloween. For me, Halloween is a time to be annoyed by over-anxious kids and fully grown women dressed like street walkers. You can't move for boobs and bums hanging out all over the place and it's just an excuse for every drinking establishment to charge a premium for their "spooky" drinks. No thanks. Not for me.

However... if there's one thing I do like, it's kids dressed in ridiculously cute costumes. I've seen some pretty cool costume ideas on the interwebs - there are some awesomely creative parents out there! My little sister Daisy isn't at the age where she can go to Halloween parties or trick or treating (thank the heavens!) but we can still get away with dressing her up for our own photographic pleasure! I begged and pleaded with my mum to stick Daisy inside an actual pumpkin (we'd win mega kudos for originality there!) but, alas, she ignored me. So instead we got this...

Is that not just the happiest pumpkin you've ever seen?!

Daisy then proceeded to completely aggravate my poor grandad for the duration of her time at our house. She's really got a thing for that table!

I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween and didn't prematurely induce diabetes!

ps: thank you for all of the incredibly kind emails regarding my Sandy post. I am thankful to say that our families and friends on the East Coast are all safe, warm and well and are now beginning to rebuild their lives. I send nothing but love and gratitude to all of you and pray that your friends and families are also safe and looking towards the future!

A little perspective.

I've been feeling a little bit sorry for myself this weekend. I'm just really, really bored of being on antibiotics. I'm really bored of waking up at 3am because the pain is unbearable. I'm really quite fed up of barely being able to walk ten steps without feeling like I'm about to pass out. It's been going on for so long now and it's just driving me crazy. It doesn't help that I'm becoming a regular fixture at my doctor's surgery and the doctors like to look at me like I'm a silly little girl because I got medications mixed up and ended up feeling ten times worse. Such an idiot. But an easy mistake to make. I suppose. I'm not too sure. I just want to be able to sleep for longer than an hour at a time. I want to have a normal body temperature. I want to be able to go and spend time with my friends. If you can't tell, I've been doing a lot of moaning lately. But sort of snapped myself out of it this morning, waiting for yet another doctor's appointment (I definitely think they should introduce a loyalty card of some type there. Free prescription after six visits? I'd be rolling in free prescriptions by now. But, alas, a loyalty card is apparently not appropriate for a doctors' surgery, no matter how many times I offered plausible ideas)

The 'Frankenstorm' hitting the East Coast of the States really snapped me out of my miserableness this morning. I'm struggling to comprehend just how big the damn thing is. It seems so unreal and yet, scarily, it's happening. At this very moment, it's happening. And it's scary in so many ways. It's scary because it shows how powerful nature is, how easily it can completely destroy our pretty little cities and towns. It's scary because it shows the complete lack of respect most people have for the planet. It's scary how many people still don't believe in global warming. It's scary because - bizarrely - my main readership is the US, and I worry how many of you are caught up in it. I worry how many of you have had to evacuate your homes and face losing everything you hold dear to you. I worry that families will be torn apart and destroyed. I'm scared because me and Lurch both have friends and family on the East Coast (Boston, Queens, Rhode Island) and we haven't been able to get in touch with them yet. I'm worried that New York, the place I've considered my spiritual home since the age of two, is about to be completely annihilated. It's a horrible, awful, scary time.

I've been far too self-absorbed over the past few days. Yes, it sucks to be ill and when you're in that moment it feels like literally nothing else on this planet matters, but it pales in significance when I compare it to Hurricane Sandy. I pale in comparison to Hurricane Sandy. We all do. Mother Nature is so fearsome and powerful. It's honestly incredibly worrying.

To all my East Coast friends, families, readers and occasional emailers... I hope you are staying safe and I'm praying for minimal damage to your homes and your lives. See you on the other side!

Je veux vivre à Paris

I'm not sure when or how it started.

It might have been when I was two, and watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time.

It might have been when I was three, and started ballet.

It might have been when I was five, and started learning the French language.

It might have been when I was eight, and my grandad would tell me stories about his experiences in the smallest towns and villages there.

It might have been when I was eleven, and had to research the history of the country for a homework assignment.

I can't pinpoint the exact time. I don't think there was ever a "moment" where I just decided it had to be. It's probably something that's always been with me, like my stubbornly frizzy hair or multi-coloured eyes. Because, truthfully, for as long as I can remember, Paris has been the biggest mystery for me.

I've never visited Paris, which is bordering on criminal seeing as it would take approximately three hours to get there from my house. My sister has been, and enthralled me with her tales of the majestic Happy Meals they serve up at the closest McDonald's to the Louvre. 

I have big ambitions in life, and have a list of five cities that I would kill to live in, in addition to a list of ideal holiday destinations that is growing by the day.

I will get to Paris one day soon. Life has happened, and I'll probably never live there. But I know that I will spend a sizeable chunk of time there. I just haven't figured out when.

So, until then, I will continue to stare at photos of the Eiffel Tower. I will continue to take Google StreetView tours of the City of Love. I will continue dreaming.

Because, if we don't dream... What's the point of life?

Some things...

So I've slightly neglected this poor little child of mine over the past week. I haven't meant to. I keep logging in, and going over all of the boring, blog-related stuff, and then just have no idea what to write about. I mean, I never usually have any idea what I'm going to write about, but now it just feels more and more obvious that I have nothing to write about. Maybe it's time to face it - I'm just not that interesting anymore! (I know, I know... it's heartbreaking)

So, I'm sure you're all positively bursting to know what I've been up to lately? No? Well I'm going to tell you anyway.

Star Track
First thing's first, I posted a little while ago about the Spark+Mettle Star Track assessment day and how much fun I had there, and how it had really boosted my confidence, and all that jazz. Well it turns out I wasn't a complete doofus on the day because the wonderful Spark+Mettle people accepted me onto the Star Track programme. (Woo!)

I've had to set up a Tumblr as a part of the programme (I deserted Tumblr well over a year ago. It just depressed me too much, all those bloody Photoshopped "Inspiration" photos just make me despair). I was given a list of questions to answer and it was stated that I didn't have to answer all of them, but this is me after all so I went to town.

I apologise in advance for just how much I can ramble on with those questions.

I'll be posting about my Star Track experience on the Tumblr, but I will, of course, dump tons of stuff on this blog too. You lucky things!

Work
Yes, work. As in, a real life job. A job that doesn't make me work at nights or over the weekend (the first time since I was fourteen! It's so weird not having to work on Saturdays!).

As with all new things, it's going to take a while to fully settle in and find my footing but I'm having a whale of a time so far. Also, I didn't realise it was possible to have so many nice people in one place at the same time. Seriously, everyone is so lovely and welcoming. It genuinely causes me to live in fear when I'm there. All that niceness is only going to end in the world imploding. Surely there's a rule that states at least one person must be a complete and utter dick in any work place? If there is, my place definitely didn't get the memo. Not that I'm complaining... I love a drama free workplace!

Reading
I read a lot. I know this. You know this. The people in Waterstones know this. But I've taken a step back from the historical books I've become addicted to in recent weeks and ran straight for the bandwagon with this...

I've had it on preorder with Waterstones for months but finally picked it up yesterday. I'm only a couple of chapters in and I'm not too sure what to make of it so far, but I'm incredibly optimistic. After all, this is the woman who gave me THAT Snape scene. You know what scene I'm talking about. I can't go into further details with the Snape scene because, to this day, even thinking about it leaves me on the verge of tears. Ms Rowling better not disappoint me with this one!

Arguing

I really love Battersea. I wouldn't be able to live anywhere else in London. It's where I've lived for 21 long years. It's where I discovered ballet, reading and terrifying dogs. It's where I went to school (primary) and where I got my very first job, seven whole years ago. It's where my favourite family members live and it's home to my favourite London park. 

But if there's one thing I don't like about Battersea, it's the hoodrats and chavs that populate the area. Like seriously, it's an epidemic. Battersea is a breeding ground for absolute tosspots. I normally manage to avoid them by not sitting in parks after dark and not smelling of dog piss. They live in their happy little existence, and I live in my own one. But the fates decided it shouldn't stay that way.

Last night, our paths collided spectacularly.

I'm standing there in Asda, buying yet more yoghurt and post-it notes, when one delightful 16 year old decided that I was looking at her and began a delightful little confrontation that went as such:

"Why you looking at me for bruv?"

Bruv? BRUV? Do I look like her fricking brother? More importantly, do I look like a man? If I do, I'm heartbroken. But I was wearing a skirt last night so I'm pretty sure I didn't look like a male relative of hers.

After ignoring her appalling grammar for a good ten minutes, I eventually snapped. I said something along the lines of "cider's given you terrible wrinkles, m'dear" and waltzed off into the Battersea night to go home and make an amazing vegetarian curry. And when I say amazing, I mean amazing. Monuments will be erected in honour of how good that curry was.

It's been an eventful week and I'm pretty tired.

But it's been a great week (minus the hoodrat)

Let's see what the first week of October brings!

Gmar Chatimah Tovah

L'Shanah Tovah to all of my Jewish readers!

To my non-Jewish readers, today is Yom Kippur. It began at 6:38pm this evening and will end tomorrow evening at 7:37pm (London times). For those who are unaware, I've posted briefly about Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur here but I'll go into a bit more detail now (however, not too much. Far more intelligent people have described it much better on the interwebs already)

Yom Kippur, commonly referred to as the Day of Atonement, is the holiest day of the year for Jewish people. The day represents an opportunity to repent for all the sins committed in the previous year and is a time to ask forgiveness. It is marked by most Jews (including myself) with a 25-hour fast. Other restrictions include refraining from bathing, perfumes and wearing leather shoes, amongst other things.

It is an incredibly important day for all involved, and a difficult day. I may not be at my best today, but I'll try to fire on all cylinders.

May I wish you all a deep and meaningful Yom Kippur.

Do YOU 10Q?

A friend introduced me to the 10Q website three years ago and I've used it every year since. The friend in question is Jewish, and knew about my slight Jewish heritage (grandfather is Jewish) and he thought I'd love the idea. Well, he was right.

Every year, during the ten days of reflection that take place during Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the 10Q website fires a series of thoughtful and reflective questions at you. It's entirely up to you how you answer - deep and meaningful, short and sweet, sarcastic, it all goes - and your answers are locked away for a year. The following year, your answers are unlocked and your able to look back at where you were and consider it for where you're going.

You don't have to be Jewish to take part, and many of my non-Jewish friends have used it as a means to reflect and let off some steam. Your answers are kept entirely private unless you choose otherwise and it can be quite intriguing to get your answers back after a year.

I've found myself increasingly looking forward to Rosh Hashanah as it means I get to answer a few more questions that will force me to remember the past year of my life. It's amazing to remember how much you've actually done over the year! I suggest you at least check out the website, and nose around the FAQs, past questions, etc. before you commit to signing up. But you have nothing to lose by signing up. Oh, and it's totally free to boot!

A busy week...

The past seven days have been incredibly hectic for me. It started on Saturday, when we decided we would celebrate Valentine's birthday. We grabbed his closest friends and headed out for a few drinks for a much needed hilarious night...

My mum and Daisy popped by on Sunday...

...and we paid them a visit yesterday...

Blowing a kiss for the camera...

I think he was sick of the camera by this point.

How was your week?

A letter to my Lurch...

To my lovely VLB...

I think it's incredibly mean and silly that you have to work on a Sunday night. I mean seriously, who even goes to the pub on a Sunday night? Stupid alcoholics! As I sit here all on my lonesome on this dreary Sunday night, I've realised all the truly absurd things I do when you're not here. Things like...

- watching two Disney movies in one day. Yes indeedy, two Disney movies. You saw how excited I got when I saw the advert pop up early this morning, is it any wonder I glued myself to the bed in order to watch Beauty and the Beast today? I also found a place in my hectic Sunday schedule for the Little Mermaid. I've been singing Part of That World for about three hours now.

- eating a ton of vegetarian food without worrying whether or not you'll liken it to cardboard. Vegetarian roast dinner earlier, and now a plate of vegetarian sausages in burger buns. They're amazing.

- responding to a gazillion emails. That's now every single person who's emailed me since the beginning of the blog responded to. That's gonna earn me about two Brownie points.

- watching soppy films that you hate. Not only did I fit in a Meg Ryan film (You've Got Mail) I'm now watching a Sandra Bullock film (Two Weeks Notice. Not While You Were Sleeping. Oh how I wish it were While You Were Sleeping)

- creating stupidly extravagant plans in my head for your birthday this week. Each and every one of them are far too ridiculous and far-fetched and expensive to actually happen on Tuesday, but a girl can dream, right?

- dreaming of Coney Island. I don't know why. It's a childhood fascination that has only been made worse by Lana Del Rey. And Sandra Bullock just mentioned it.

- finally getting around to downloading a Photoshop trial. Let's see what all the fuss is about.

So whilst you're busy at work, pulling pints and hopefully not having to listen to too many drunken stories, I am here, quietly plotting ways to remove chicken from the bedroom forever. I happily await your return tomorrow (with McDonalds. I definitely want McDonalds upon your return)

With love,

CT.

Post Script: I definitely, totally, 100% also hate the Counting Crows/Vanessa Carlton version of Big Yellow Taxi. It's awful.

PPS: I now completely understand why people think we're a married couple. It's a bit sickening, isn't it?

So... Cupcakes...

A lot of people have enquired as to the 'cupcake' part of this blog's name. The 'calamity' part sort of makes sense to people (I live in London, life is not simple) but, without having stalked my other blog, the cupcake bit flies over people's head.

Brace yourselves, this is incredibly boring.

I love me some cupcakes. Big ones, little ones, normal sized ones, giant ones, anything that slightly resembles a cupcake is more than welcome in my life. I love to make them, decorate them and lavish my friends and family with giant cupcake parcels (I'm totally trying to fatten them up in the style of Hansel & Gretel, but you can't tell them, it's a secret)

When I started this blog, I decided it would be more about my life than my other blog. This is a 'lifestyle' blog and, as such, needs to include details of my life. Makes sense, no?

I have a huge personal agenda in life. I can fail at absolutely everything else and it won't bother me. But failing in this means I might as well go and top myself: I need to find the world's greatest cupcake recipe. Simple as. I've wanted to do it since I was a little girl and I won't stop until someone proves they have the world's greatest cupcake.

So there you have it. I like me some cupcakes. I want me the greatest cupcakes.

Do you know who owns the world's greatest cupcake?

Bobby's Diary

I was listening to Vogue at the time.

Strike a pose!

Just before I forced my Lurch to head to McDonald's late at night

The majority of our McDonald's haul. The McFlurry and the toffee sundae have been hidden out of sight(!)

Please accept my apologies for just how awful my bed looks.

But I totally have the red McDonald's glass now. Yay.

Words cannot explain how beautiful this was.

Oh, by the way, Bobby is my phone. And he is lovely.

So here's how my week went...

I've been in a major funk all week. A painful, miserable, boring funk. I've eaten more than my weight in peanut butter and then get really depressed about eating so much peanut butter that I go straight out to the shop and buy another jar of peanut butter. Total amount of peanut butter consumed this week? Three. Whole. Jars. I'm going to peanut butter hell but boy will I have fun there.

I've had a couple of job interviews this week. Nothing majorly exciting and I'm almost 100% certain that I am 100% guaranteed to not get either one of the jobs. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I talk like this in real life and end up rambling in job interviews before asking the interviewer if they ‘get’ it. They never do. They don’t know what there is to get. Heck, neither do I, but that is yet to actually stop me.

I thought I got over my funk when I realised that I hadn’t actually chipped a tooth (I totally thought I chipped a tooth last week. On a cookie. I didn’t. It was just a real tough cookie with a long history...) but then I realised that I've completely forgotten the password to my Etsy store and therefore can’t sit back and bemoan my complete lack of customers on there. Seriously, I've been making these baskets and baby clothes and bottles and everything for so long now. I think, somewhere along the line, I actually forgot to let people know that I definitely do sell those things. Too late now?

But then I definitely got over my funk by dragging the Lurch to McDonald’s at nearly midnight last night. As we arrived, I finally revealed that my phone and my iPod definitely have names that match their incredibly distinctive personalities. He shook his head. He raised his eyebrows like he normally does when I say something he can’t quite believe. He laughed and agreed that it was definitely the type of thing that I would do.

At McDonald’s, I revelled in the fact that I got to add a different coloured wristband adorned glass to my new obsessive collection of McDonald’s wristband adorned glasses. By the time I actually get round to growing up and moving into my own place, the only glasses I'll have will be the free McDonald’s Coca Cola glasses, but those wristbands are so pretty (only one more colour to get!!)

And then the funk came back, because my internet connection went down for about three hours. I mean, I had an internet connection but it was slower than dial up for three hours. Which meant that I lost three hours of blogging, and cyber stalking, and Google Doodle games.  But the funk is gone again. I think. I lost it somewhere along the way to Jeremy Kyle Town.

Oh, yeah, and its Friday.

Post Script: I've mentioned McDonald’s and peanut butter a lot. A LOT. Surely I deserve some sort of payment from either the makers of peanut butter or the corporate bigwigs at Maccy D’s? You can’t find a promotional machine like me, my friends. Especially when it comes to McDonald’s or peanut butter.

Are you afraid of the fear?

Life has interesting ways of challenging you. It may only happen once, or you may be confronted by it on a daily basis. You may be exceptionally prepared for it or it may attack like a lightning bolt. Either way, it happens, and it's success is determined by just how much you fear it.

I'm only 21, but have already been confronted by The Fear. It jumped into my life just a few short months ago when I was plagued by an identity crisis of sorts. I'd always longed to express myself through writing - it was one of the few enjoyments that have stayed with me throughout my life - yet found myself realising that I hadn't actually written anything for months.

The Fear presented itself as such: devote myself to the life I had always imagined for myself (even if it means living off of toast and pasta for the rest of my life) or remain stuck in a hellish job just for a pay check.

Noticing the need for a change, I made a drastic decision and quit my job. I realised that I needed to spend a few months focusing solely on my writing, devoting myself to the characters I had envisioned in my head for years. Quitting my job wasn't an easy decision to make, and I've since relied entirely on ad revenues and the occasional freelancing job to pay the bills. 

It isn't a particularly lucrative career path, and I'll probably never be a millionaire, but it's the happiest I've ever been in life. Sure, I could sell out and write a God awful book a la Fifty Shades to rake in the cash, but that would be the equivalent of making a deal with the devil in my mind. Yes, I'll have to return to employment eventually, but this time I won't allow myself to become a slave to the corporate machine. 

Someone I know said to me a few months ago that "all writers want success" and that a writer with no money might as well not bother writing. They cannot imagine how wrong they are. I don't write for success, nor for monetary rewards. I write because I have to. And that's not something I'm expecting them to understand. After all, they haven't confronted The Fear, and I doubt they ever will.